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Gay Male Couples Lesbian Couples LGBT LGBT LGBT Relationships

December 2014 date for British Civil Partnership Conversions

Pinknews has learned that the British government will announce that the first date couples already in civil partnerships can convert to marriage will be 10 December 2014.

Civil partnerships, however, will not be extended to include straight couples.

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2014/06/26/exclusive-government-to-announce-december-date-for-civil-partnership-conversion/

It is understood that civil partnerships will remain for gay couples, and those who wish to convert to marriage will need to actively do so.

Gay couples will have the choice between a marriage or a civil partnership, and straight couples will only be able to get married.

Regardless of marriage status, Dean Richardson of iCounsellor.co.uk offers effective counselling for all forms of adult couple relationships in trouble.

Categories
Gay Male Couples Lesbian Couples LGBT

Gay’s The Word (Bookstore)

I thought I’d mention this here: Gay’s The Word (Bookstore),

66 Marchmont Street
London
WC1N 1AB.

Telephone: 0207 278 7654
Website: http://www.gaystheword.co.uk/

Working with couples in counselling, my approach follows an incredibly helpful [tooltip text='Systemic therapy is a branch of psychotherapy that works with families and couples in intimate and platonic relationships to nurture change and development. It tends to view change in terms of the systems of interaction between family members.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_therapy'] systemic [/tooltip] / [tooltip text='Psychodynamics is the theory and systematic study of the psychological forces that underlie human behavior, especially the dynamic relations between conscious motivation and unconscious motivation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychodynamics'] psychodynamic [/tooltip] framework for relationship therapy. One of the important features of this therapy is inviting & encouraging the couple to invite inspiration & creative approaches to tackling relationship problems.

It’s a common response to hear: …but we’ve tried everything” and “…but I don’t think creatively” and those protests need addressing with understanding and empathy in counselling.

As a couple counsellor, I do not offer solutions to a couple’s problems (I’ve simply learned that it can be a bit like buying a Paul McKenna book on “I can make you thin” giving someone the expectation they will have it done all for them by the writer/advice-giver) but I do sometimes offer sources of information that might help to ignite their own creativity.

Working with LGBT couples I’ve been surprise on how few of them know about Gay’s the Word in London. It’s such an excellent source of LGBT material (and more personal than, say, Amazon):-

Gay’s the Word are the UK’s pioneering first (and now the last surviving) lesbian and gay bookshop. Established in 1979 and located in the historic Bloomsbury district of London, they stock an enormous range of books; from the profound to the frivolous, from the liberating to the indulgent. Their fiction ranges from prize-winning literary works through to crime, romance and erotic fiction. Their non-fiction covers a wide range of issues from cutting-edge queer theory through to how to tell your mother you are gay. Their range of queer philosophical, political, historical and other scholarly works is unequalled in the UK. If they recommend a title, it’s because they’ve read it and particularly enjoyed it.

So, if you’re looking for some inspiring literature, some ideas on how you might begin to tackle sexual (or sexuality) issues in your relationship – pop into Gay’s the Word, purchase some things, have a read, and maybe come and discuss matters with me: Dean Richardson.

Categories
LGBT Sexuality

October 21st to 25th – Ally Week

Thought this might be a worthy exercise to define this poster’s terms… corrections & suggestions are welcome in the comments section 🙂

 

21-25 Oct 2013 - Ally Week
21-25 Oct 2013 – Ally Week

 

Gay: men who are sexually attracted to… and wishing intimate relationships with men. Often doesn’t include MWHSWM (“Men who have sex with men”).

Lesbian: men who are sexually attracted to… and wishing intimate relationships with men. Often doesn’t include WWHSWW (“Women who have sex with Women”).

Bisexual: a person who is sexually attracted to… and wishing intimate relationships with … people of any gender.

Transgender: A person who has changed their physicality to a different gender from birth. May not include intersex. May not have any reference to the person’s sexuality.

Intersex: A person with genitals of either gender, sometimes in different states (eg a person with a greater penis and a lesser vagina may be intersex but has been nominated (or has chosen to be) male)

Pansexual: A person who does not limit or inhibit themselves in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity.

Asexual: A person who has no (or little) evidence of sexuality (but who still has gender).

 

Not included on this poser is:

Genderless/Androgyne: a person whose gender does not fit in (nearly) with female/male definition.

Categories
FAQ LGBT LGBT

Counselling for Closet Gay People

Whilst my whole website discusses confidentiality, sexuality, gender and my therapeutic practice, it would not go amiss for me to produce at least a brief post that combines all of these counselling features into providing a safe containment for one particular area of society in which I specialise as a therapist: closet gay & lesbian individuals & couples.

Website Search – close, but no cigar.

Someone arrived on this website having searched for ‘counselling for closet gay’.  In response to the query, Google sent the visitor to my search page.  My search software dutifully produced a list of pages that were mostly about counselling, some about LGBT couple therapy, some about me, but none that expressly spoke about counselling for the closet individual.

Notwithstanding I’m taking a look at my search producing software, it was very clear that the visitor had not been presented with anything about what they were looking for from my website, and they went away.

Quite rightly.

But mistakenly so.

Counselling for LGBT People.

As male counsellor who specialises in offering counselling for the specific needs of lesbian and gay individuals & LGBT couples, it would seem to me that the whole of my therapy service would cater well for those people who are not ‘out’:

Yet, perhaps, my counselling information is (unintentionally) aimed at those LGBT people who are already out and leading happy and successful lives, regardless of their sexuality, but who sometimes wishes to meet with an LGBT counselling to work through some issues.

Being in, and coming out of, ‘the closet’.

The term being in the ‘closet’ means that a person’s sexuality or gender-identification is something other than what appears to the public, but that the person has not yet made a public declaration.  The term goes hand in hand with the phrase ‘out’ or ‘outing’ meaning that when a person becomes known for their homo or bi sexuality, or desire for a change in gender, they have come out of the closet, or they have been “outed” by a third party.

It’s perhaps interesting that it is sexual minorities that have to go through this process, as it is perhaps assumed that a person is heterosexual, gender-phoric (as opposed to dysphoric) or cis-gender until other facts are known.

It’s perhaps also interesting that as more people – particularly role (or pseudo-role) models – announce their sexuality or gender-reassignment (or gender ambivalence as not transgender people feel the need to make a full transition from one gender to another) – the process of coming out of the closet (outing ones self) is becoming easier and more socially acceptable (Seidman, Meeks, and Traschen (1999) argue that “the closet” may be becoming an antiquated metaphor in the lives of modern day Americans).

Nevertheless, society still assumes one is a heterosexual cis-gendered person until one corrects the notion.

Not everyone wants to be ‘out’.

It would not be surprising that some people would benefit from discussing their sexuality with a helpful & friendly professional, someone with whom they might feel safe, in order to find support before they go through a (sometimes) traumatic process as outing themselves.

It is not the counsellor’s position to encourage self-outing (or maintaining self-closeting) as the decision for action is down the client, with the counselling processing being available to assist the client on reflection: pros, cons, effects, affects.  LGBT counselling is not a solution of itself but a helpful tool.

In closing, I hope this brief post goes some way to correct, clarify and reconcile my services into a clearer statement of some of the kinds of counselling services that I offer.

Categories
Couple Relationships LGBT

Mixed-Orientation/Sexuality Relationship Counselling

Relationship Counselling for Mixed Sexual-Orientation Couples.

Couples who are in an intimate, mixed-sexuality relationship or an intimate mixed gender-orientation marriage can experience relationship problems in just the same way as any other couple relationship.

Whist any trained & qualified couples counsellor could be able to work with your relationship,  sometimes mixed-orientation couples choose to work with a systemic couples relationship therapist who specialises in working with mixed-orientation couples.

In Hampshire, and on Skype, that therapist is Dean Richardson.

What is a mixed-sexuality / mixed-orientation relationship?

Not all intimate couple relationships have be composed of people of the same sexuality.  Mixed-sexuality relationships are when both partners identify with a different sexuality to their partner; for example a gay man and a straight woman.

Whilst such relationships work perfectly fine without therapeutic intervention, they can also develop conflicts that are particular to this type of relationships.  As an example, whilst sex does not have to be the centre of an intimate relationship, when sexual intimacy becomes a problem, mixed-sexuality couples may require a special kind of support in helping the couple to find  their own solutions to such difficult problems.

Dean Richardson – Mixed-Orientation Couple Counsellor.

Dean Richardson is a fully qualified and experienced couple relationship therapist.  He specialises in working with LGBT couples and couple relationships of mixed-sexualities and mixed-orientations.  He doesn’t impose traditional values on relationships that are incomparable with heteronormative standards.

Working with Dean means the mixed-sexuality/mixed-gender-identified couple can continue to feel proud of their relationship. They can regard their relationship problems as an interesting obstacle to be worked with curiosity & inspiration – a healthy approach through systemic couples counselling.

You, your partner and Dean will work with the relationship style that you bring to counselling, and we’ll work with resolving the problems that you bring too.

How to begin Couple Counselling.

Long Distance Counselling.

Couples who are separated by distance – or away from Dean’s Portsmouth practice – but who still want couple counselling – may find Dean Richardson’s Skype Couple Counselling Service useful (read more…)

1) Pick a date/time from Dean’s availability.  You and your partner will be attending together – and if you and Dean agree that couple counselling is a suitable form of treatment for you, you will both be attending with your partner for each week’s session.

2) Contact Dean to arrange an assessment for couple counselling – or to discuss with Dean your questions or concerns for couple counselling.

Couples counselling for mixed-orientation couples can be a helpful resource to a couple who are struggling with problems that seem unique and insurmountable.  Choose Dean Richardson to help you attend to your unique relationship … together.

Categories
LGBT LGBT Video

LGBT Teenage Bullying…

“I’m not going to kill myself.  I just need to get this out here.”

LGBT Bullying – What’s goin’ on?

This video was made in August 2011  and I’ve only just see it due to a friend on Facebook sharing it with me.

I would encourage you to spend just a couple of minutes reading what this guy, Jonah, has to say (that’ll make sense once you click ‘play’).

External link: “What’s going on…”

Finding Support due to LGBT Bullying.

If this video has effected you – it brought tears to my eyes – then maybe it’s time to start taking some action.

If you are a teenager

 who is experiencing this kind of torture – and my opinion is that it *is* a form of torture – please …. please realise that you’re not alone and there are people and places that will help you:-

 

 

If you are an adult

 who has buried away this experience from somewhere in your distant history (or even currently), and you think now might be a good time to talk it through and finally put it to rest – you can make contact with me: Dean Richardson in complete confidence and we’ll see about arranging a time and place (or Skype or email correspondence) to talk it out (read more…) … and don’t worry about the fees if private counselling would be a struggle for you to afford; we’ll talk about how we can manage this too.

 

If you are an adult bully

 … or someone who suspects that they might be judging by some odd responses you’ve seen from people … and you would like to understand this behaviour so that you might be able to change, you can also make contact with me: Dean Richardson in complete confidence and we’ll talk about arranging a time and place (or Skype or email correspondence) to talk it out.

 

Update from Jonah.

Update 4-Dec-11 – Jonah says thank you 🙂 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7HkOaLFzGw