What if I Don’t like my Counsellor?

Some clients find it very difficult to tell their therapist what they do not like. Whether it something about the person themselves, their style, something the therapist said in a previous session, something the therapist is not paying attention to that the client really needs to work on, and so on.

All counsellors intend to be as open and available as they can to their clients, and so they – as do I – would very much like to hear when a client is not very happy.  Sometimes our experience can tell us that something is wrong … sometimes we’re just plain human and we miss things.

It is very important – as part of our working therapeutic relationship – that you are able to feel that you can protest about something with me. After all, although this “something” may be happening between you and  I, it might also be an example of something that, if we were able to work through it together, might benefit you in your every day life.  Sometimes past difficulties raise themselves in order to be resolved for good.

Of course, sometimes disagreements, clashes and unhappiness simply cannot be resolved – no matter what good intentions both client and counsellor would like to have.

Sometimes a client simply stops coming to counselling, leaving no word why this is. Sometimes a client is able to find the courage to bring up what is bothering them with the counsellor themselves. Sometimes, moving to another counsellor is an option.

As your counsellor, I try to be attune to your needs, and as a human being sometimes I might be mistaken or I might miss something that is important to you. If I spot that something seems amiss, I will try and bring both our attentions to the matter (with delicately, of course, because I might be mistaken in what I thought I spotted).  I would invite you to feel welcome to bring our attentions to something on your mind too.

Couples FAQ

Is Couple Counselling Right for Us?

Are you looking for assistance in helping you and your partner decide how to improve your relationship?  Or are you looking for someone to tell you what to do?

If the former, then couple counselling might be something that is right for you.

If the latter, then couple counselling may not be suitable for you.

A couple counsellor has no instructions or recipes that if you follow to the letter you will find that your relationship improves.  However, a couples counsellor is skilled in helping couples learn what they’re not paying attention to (or have stopped paying attention to).  Some couple counsellors will be curious about the past history of the relationship – when was there a time when things were better.  Some couple counsellors will be curious about the present day – how does the relationship nurture unhappy behaviour.  Some counsellors will sit quietly and listen (actively) to an argument go on for a while – learning about what the partners cannot see for themselves.

Couples counselling can help perturb unhappy behaviours – but both partners have to wish for the relationship to change.  Unhappy behaviours may have become necessary for one (or both) partners (eg avoiding sex) – and dislodging these behaviours might release even more unhappiness if this is not first understood – this is just one of the aims in couples therapy.

Do you think couple counselling might be right for you both?